Mild, Medium or Hot?!?!

What's your degree of spice? Not in food silly, in your relationship!!! 😂

So, I have been married for 13 years now, and I have to say, it's easy to let your guard down and take your spouse for granted after so many years. BUT, if you want your relationship to work, you gotta sprinkle in a little spice every now and again.

So before I jump in, let me tell you a little about me and the hubsters! We met when we were 15 years old through my best friend Yandy (God help me if I don't give her credit 😂). We both attended the same church, he was in the Bronx and I was in Harlem. We were selected by a mutual friend to participate in her sweet 16 cotillion and she picked us to be partners.

Despite going to practice for weeks, and learning the dance routine, she decided to cancel the party and we continued our friendship from that point on.

Now it's important that you know, I am 6 months older than my husband - he likes to call me a cougar 🙄 (so annoying, lol) - my birthday is in November and his is in April. Because of this, I graduated H.S. before him and it was strange for us to figure out our friendship initially because I couldn't be in college dating a high schooler!

Nevertheless, we remained friends. After high school graduation, went to the same college and started dating when we were 18 (and yes, I said "we" because it was during that precious 6 month period when we are the same age so he can't joke around about dating an older woman).

We got married shortly after college graduation and have been together ever since.

People are surprised when they see me and find out I have been married for 13 years and have two kids! My hubby and I got married young and have been working hard on our marriage ever since. We waited 5 years before having kids and spent those early years really getting to know each other, traveling the world and learning how to nurture our relationship.

NO relationship is perfect! It requires work and I am no expert but here are a few things I have learned to keep it spicy.

Mild

• Figure out your significant other's love language and be sure to nurture it on a regular basis

• Do the things you did before - hold hands, kiss, call during the day just to say hi, spend time continuing to learn each other

• Do things occasionally to show you are still in love with your significant other like: give them a card for no reason, bring her flowers just because, buy him some cologne

• Put the phone down! In this age, people are glued to their phones. You go to restaurants and people are all sitting around the table staring at a device, not engaged, not talking to each other (smh). We gotta do better than that!

Medium:

• You still have to date your spouse! Plan it! Plan a date night either alone or with other couples

• Make special days extra special (true story): for my birthday one year, my hubby showed up at my job, bought me an outfit to wear including a dress, shoes, a jacket (it was fall) and it ALL fit and looked good on me! He then picked me up from work and took me to a beautiful dinner that he planned. Talk about feeling special!

• Don't sweat the small stuff; be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (I borrowed that from the Bible)

• Say sorry! It costs nothing!

Spicy:

Ok, so, I know what you are all thinking.... this section will be about sex. NOPE! I mean, that's part of the spice but not the whole shebang.

• Intimacy is about more than just sex! Do things to create the right ambiance for romance in your marriage - you don't even have to spend a ton of money!

• If you have kids - send them to Nanna's house and plan a romantic evening at home... have candles on the table, bust out the good dishes, cook a nice meal, grab a bottle of wine, put some music on and just focus on each other (right now I am singing Focus by H.E.R in my head)

• Lingerie is always a nice surprise ☺️. And I have purchased some cute pieces right on Amazon Prime! (thank goodness for free next day shipping)

• I mean, if I am being for real for real.... Just coming home to a sparkling clean house is a MAJOR turn on! LOL.

• Plan getaways with each other - even if it's just for a night.

Last thing I'll say is this, life is TOO short. Don't go to bed angry with each other because you never know what tomorrow holds. Communication is hard work but it's critical and that means both talking AND listening.

Ok, I tried to cram 13 years of learning into one post... We'll have to revisit this topic again in the future.

XO,

A

Somebody said date night? 😳 #sheready